Why Does Your Belly Button Stink?

Seriously, dude. There's no reason it should smell the way it does. It's not an asshole. It doesn't even perform any specific function except just chilling there. You forget you even have a belly button until every so often you look down while showering and clean it out with your washcloth then smell the washcloth and then think "Damn, I should have used toilet paper for this. I don't wipe my ass with a washcloth and it smells almost exactly the same."

Shit and Other Toilet Talk

I have so many quarks and weird hang-ups about me that it's ridiculous. As far as I know I'm the only person in the world who when I go the bathroom in the middle of the night to drop deuce actually checks under the toilet bowl and seat and lid just to make sure there's not a spider there. I've always been afraid that at some point in my life a spider's going to crawl up my asshole by surprise. The odds have to point to it happening at some point?